Love seems to me to be nothing more than a dusty memory. Old feelings, old memories lying as discarded clutter on the floor of my gray mater, like all the accouterments of an abandoned hobby. I remember being in love and doing the whole "relationship" thing, but it feels so distant, like it all happened in a former life. Like legos, or pokemon cards, or POGs, it has become just another trinket gathering dust on the crowded bookshelf in my brain. Was it nothing but a phase? I wonder. . .
It just feels like something I
used to do. Was I even good at it? I can't seem to remember -- I think I was, but then again, there are certainly some who would dispute that assessment. Then I wonder: "Would I be any good now?"
A valid question. Would I? Or, would it take a couple of tries 'til I got back into the swing of things? I assume it would take me some time to bring back the witty, playful banter that's been left unrehearsed for months, and I suppose I'd need time to re-train my eyes to notice the subtle things like new haircuts, clothing, and body language.
Then, of course, there's the physical aspect. No, I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about the little things. The hand-holding, the cuddling on the couch, the *gasp* first kiss. All the things that come with a relationship that you can't exactly practice on your friends. To be honest, I was never any good at these things when I actually had a steady girlfriend, and now, well, there's no telling how much these skills have atrophied.
Good Lord.
Why am I being this honest with you? Showing vulnerability is not a common practice for me, in fact, I loathe it, but I guess I just needed to express these things. I've not blogged in quite a while, which leads to a crowded mind. I'm simply creating vacancy. . . or maybe I just like the attention. You decide.
Really, though, I'm not that neurotic. I look back on my past romantic forays with fondness and regret. And, yes, I've been burned a bit in my experiences which leaves me a bit apprehensive in regards to future pursuits, but, in the end, I feel as if I'll once again throw caution to the wind and get involved with someone again. I think it's time.
I just need to find the someone.
Let me tell you something. One of the best things about meeting someone new is that they haven't heard any of your stories yet, which, for me, means a full month of dating before the first "Yeah, you told me this already". Those months are the best. Of course, this window shrinks or grows depending on how interesting your life has been and whether or not you're a good liar.
[you see the birds, they speak no words. They sing; they fly; they need no drugs to get high]
Comments (3)
Don't worry Stephen. You are pretty spiffy guy and will find your someone eventually.
I understand your feelings. And, if you feel like it happened in a former life, just imagine -- I feel like love happened in someone else's former life.
*poke*